Thankfully He Wasn’t REALLY Drowning

(Image Courtesy of Google)
(Image Courtesy of Google)

So the three little monkeys of mine now have swimming lessons. All in one place and for a half an hour every week. For thirty minutes I sit calmly and safely. I sit there and zone out from time to time while cannon balls shatter in the distance. I nod my head every once in a while to acknowledge a water tread, back float or half attempt at a dive. I nod away, they think I’m watching.

Sometimes if I get really animated I yell out, “Great job boys, keep it up.” I feel so free. I know there will be no Sharpie’s upon my walls or gallons of milk dripping from the counters. I know no child has clogged a toilet with a toy screwdriver which would later lead to its demise and removal. I know nobody is putting special bubbly in mommy’s contact case. I know no child is breaking and entering a neighbor’s home for chips in their pantry. I am at peace.

Why in the world didn’t I come up with this sooner? Why? This is the calmest thirty minutes I get each week. I do not care if the instructors pass them. I will pay anything to keep them learning water survival tactics. You’ll see, by the time they are 20, 15 and 13, we will have Olympic hopefuls in the making. I am a perfectionist and I believe, in order to achieve, we must practice, practice, practice. Ah, Namaste.

So by the time Peeno gets out of the pool and I wipe him dry, Noochie is getting out. Then Nickelbass finishes up his last belly flop from the high dive. Now I have regrouped, recharged and didn’t even need alcohol. But as we all know, all good things must come to an end. Now when your children are escorted out of the pool by their instructor, you dry them off and they put their shoes on, you expect them to make their way towards the exit sign. There should be no need to have your guard up or your mommy defense in overdrive. Nobody is getting back into the pool.

But yesterday when I was gathering my belongings, because somehow we always leave with more articles of clothing than we came in with, little Noochie decides to conduct a test. Yes, quite similar to the Emergency Broadcast System. Where it gets your attention until you hear, “This is only a test”. Well I guess over the thirty minutes while I was meditating, when I thought little Noochie was working hard at his breast stroke, he was eyeing up the Lifeguards.

(Image Courtesy of Google)
(Image Courtesy of Google)

Not in the ‘dude scoping out the chicks’ kind of way, but as in, ‘are they really paying attention kind of way’. Oh yes, you guessed it. He “accidentally” falls in. Of course they do nothing. I hurdle the swim team members, resin chairs and water-logged noodles and practically jump in after him. He says, “Mommy just calm down. I got this.” Then he swims to the ladder and in Baywatch fashion climbs out. I am all like in fight or flight mode and this little $h*t walks up to the Lifeguard and goes,”Hey, I just fell in the pool and you weren’t even paying attention.” I wanted to crack him upside his head. Yet, at the same time, he did have a point. Well at least he proved a point, which is exactly what he set out to do.

The Lifeguards are all apologizing to him, a five-year old, and I was still without words due to a potential drowning shock. But last night as I lay in bed with fury critters (more on that to come) I thought to myself, what a sly little guy. He is five and while he was challenging his instructor to push his limits and watching me to make sure I didn’t miss a stroke, he was also eyeing up the fact that the Lifeguards were not life guarding. The fact that teenagers were shaking in their swimmers for fear of job loss as a result of a five-year old’s test, just awed me.

Last year on vacation, when a stranger said to her sister, “That boy. That boy right there is gonna be somebody. He just has that look about him.” Well, she was talking about Noochie. I guess she was on to something. I hope I survive to see his triumphs.

What recent scare did you almost ___________ your pants from? What about you LifeGuards? Do you pay less attention when parents are around?


The Game of Life Minus The Luck of The Spin

Remember the Game of LIFE that was big back in the 1980’s?  Millionaire Estates and Countryside Acres were the final outcomes.  You chose “your character” based upon your favorite color and you gave it your best spin.  Then you all giggled and laughed or sometimes even cried, when the luck of the spin would determine who failed and who ended up with the fortune.  Well, news flash, life doesn’t run on luck or a spin of a wheel.

If you think about games in general, surely there is one Hasbro or Milton Bradley Game that comes to mind in terms of your life.  Honestly, some days I feel like I am running from Donkey Kong, while inside a pin ball contraption in a Twister pose wanting to break the tangle to spin the wheel for a chance to get out of jail free or even pass Go and collect my measly 200 bucks.  But life doesn’t run on an iron or thimble and my character isn’t shaped by my favorite color.  Life runs on what I fuel it with.

If I focus on the negative, my car putters and I end up on Baltic Avenue hoping to avoid an income tax penalty and wishing to get a positive Chance card.  But if I put my energies into the positive and have the ability to adapt, be a smart risk taker and a persistent go getter, I might actual have a Clue at The Game of Life.  So, when facing a Chute or a Ladder, do we decide to climb or settle for the fall?

I think most people would prefer the climb.  Yet, how often do they avoid the climb because of the journey up? Recently, I was faced with a big life changing decision.  I so wanted to make like a Battleship and sink but then I think about my life’s biggest motto and the whole reason I started this blog. 

“You can’t get anywhere doing the back float, you have to turn around and swim!”

Since I started this blog, many people have asked me why I blog?  Before I get a chance to answer, they answer for me with another question.  The question answers range all over the place but what blogging is to me is meditative. My creative expression in print as I journey through life.  And if I was handed a choice to spin, to win, lose or draw again, I would decline all of the above. 

Life doesn’t run on a toss of the dice, it runs on what I put into it.  Of course, it is not always fair or goes the way I planned.  Sometimes I may even lose a turn.  Yet, where I am at today is because my character and the path I chose  brought me here.  I am the only one in charge of my destiny.  So if my Memory serves me correct, my Cranium is in charge and although I love with my heart, I lead with my head.  So Hi Ho! Cherry-O, one wooden plank at a time, I climb!