Be careful what you wish for is that little Karma saying we have all heard time and time again. So when I was preggo with my third child, along with a healthy, happy bouncing baby, I subconsciously wished for a quick and easy labor and delivery. Well lucky for me the stars aligned and on his very due date with only 28 minutes to spare in the day, little Peeno was born.
I went from making muffins at 9:30pm to three-minute contractions, throwing clothes at my husband and fleeting to the hospital to holding a baby boy one hour later. Little Peeno and I gave “Fast and Furious” a whole other meaning.
Since that chilly December day and for a good part of his 2.5 years, little Peeno was the “good” son. But we all know all good things must eventually come to an end and boy oh girl are they ending. Karma you ARE a beach and not the white sandy kind.
Right about when I yanked him from his crib, started him at a new school (not with my intent), started potty training him and his two older brothers made off to school, my little boy turned into a pinball. It’s like a new dawn came and someone pulled back the red spring and let ‘er rip. Out shot a pinball, my son the terror.
All eyes on Peeno. That is how it has been the past 42 days. I understand there little fellow, nobody likes change. Isn’t the all night rock star parties payback enough. We’ll save all that fun and drama for another post. But seriously, you have to go all wild in the daytime too?
Because last I checked we don’t play with Sharpie markers. Dark green ones. And we certainly don’t color all over the freshly painted walls in his once nursery. Apparently he has a problem that he was moved into the toddler room. My plate is full here little man so you need to start adjusting to some change. You cannot roll through life with the same old, same old all the time. Things happen. Deal with it.
But don’t write all over the walls with permanent marker. Then when I am frantically trying to clean off the walls he attacks another room. Permanent means permanent. So while I was busting out the paint, he took dry erase markers to the carpet in his other brother’s bedroom. Funny how he never does this $h*t in his own room.
Just as I stepped back to admire Take Two of the paint job, I saw his masterpiece in the other room. Have you ever tried to remove dry erase markers from carpeting? Well, it smears like crazy. It looks like Salvador Dali went normal all over the carpeting. Needless to say when I sent him downstairs to sit on the steps, because I was afraid of what he would do in his room, I was not safe.
While I was scrubbing the carpet, somehow Houdini unlatched the child safety handles on the house to garage door. He proceeded into the garage and climbed on my hopeless attempt to organize sports equipment shelf, and reached the garage door openers. While knee-deep in dry erase, my phone rings like five times. This is never a good sign. I forgot all about Salvador Dali and his step sitting and rushed to the phone.
It was my neighbor telling me she was making coffee and saw Peeno on her deck. Her POOL DECK. In that instant I put Disney Pixars The Incredibles character Dash to shame because I was on that deck quicker then lighting strikes. I still had no idea how he maneuvered out of the house at this point. When I asked him why in the world he went next door, his reply, “I wanted to swim in the deep end!” He can’t swim, he doesn’t like to swim and he highly dislikes the deep end. He won’t even go into three feet of water with a life-preserver, arm floats, a noodle and him clinging onto his mama. But somewhere between graffiti and escape artist, he suddenly grows a set. Come on kid.
He is unstoppable. Like the pinball in the machine, he is here, there and everywhere. We cannot keep up! I am in a state of constant fight or flight. So I will have to admit I was slightly happy to go to work today. To sort of chill. Fair warning to his school.
I thought I would check in with mom and dad on my way to work and share some of my horror. Well, somehow, Peeno made an impact over in their neck of the woods too. My parents wanted to hear nothing about my trials and tribunes. They had their own mess to clean up. Like changing the gauze bandage on my dad’s arm because he lost a layer of skin. When he went to fire up the grill the other day, well it fired up all right, explosion style.
Looks like in addition to a graffiti and an escape artists we also have a pyromaniac on our hands. That’s right. “Someone” cranked up the grill burners to on and high. So instead of dear old dad grilling steaks, he got a hairless molten lava arm instead. With that being said, I plead my case. Peeno is his name, and vino’s my game. Lots of it!