You can’t really go from 4-5 months of boot wearing and wool socks to open toe shoes overnight unless you are adorning a neat little pedicure. Not to mention the presence of the soft pale skin tone. Shorts and mini’s are just not in high demand fashion unless you fake and bake. So along with those people and their what to wear and what not to wear dilemmas are those that invent their own global warming attire.
So, in observation this past week of “fashion gone wild,” I have compiled a list. Perhaps someone can shed light on this list and offer their thumbs up, down or just shout out a big, “Hell No!”
“The List” of Fashion Trends for Global Warming Attire
1. A yarn cap straight out of grandma’s leftover, going to make little June Bug a hat, yarn bin paired with a muscle shirt and extreme snow pants. Perhaps this is just an example of shedding the layers.
2. Wool turtleneck, skorts (they still make these?) and ballet wedge shoes. This just has “heavy on the top” written all over it.
3. North Face Extreme Weather Ski coat, flip-flops and shorts. The only thing I can think of here is that the coat weighs about 75 lbs and too heavy to carry by arm.
4. Chartreuse green caution vest, mountain hiking pants and snow boots accesorized with a flying kite. I guess the only caution here would be if a hawk or trumpeter swan mistook the kite for another fowl and swiped you and the kite away.
5. Sports bra, with tee-shirt tied around head like a scene from Rambo and yoga pants. No thoughts other than someone might strike First Blood.
6. Camouflage vest, cowboy hat, spandex shorts, wool knee highs and rope sandals. This is Army gone Nashville on a ten speed through J. Crew with final destination to the Vatican.
7. Bikini top with jeans and high heels to take a stroll in the park. Unless you are a Victoria Secret Model doing a Spring nature shoot, what are you doing?
Well folks, there you have it. A few cases of severe FPD or Fashion Personality Disorder. The weather is so confusing it has caused a major wardrobe crisis in these parts where snow meets pool season in twelve hours.
So, if in your parts you have struggled with weather highs and lows, please feel free to let us know some bizarro outfits that have been adorning your streets. Feel free to snap a shot with the wearers permission of course.
Now head out, grab a sno-cone, dance in a puddle with your caution vest and Rambo gear! Oh and don’t forget to strike a pose!